dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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