Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
