Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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