It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she peed on how many people?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
