How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
