It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
