How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
