I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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