with your own penis?
You just made me feel so damn special
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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