If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
