I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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