Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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