I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
