if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
