wakey wakey hands off snakey
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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