Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
