My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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