Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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