I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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