I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
