Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
