You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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