I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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