What did we do last night that was yellow?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
