How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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