I hate all girls vehemently.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
