So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
