I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
