I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
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I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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