All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
