According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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