This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I love you. Go after that dick
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.