i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
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I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.