I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter