we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
