i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
His nipple licking is glorious
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