Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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