I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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