Moan for me like Helen Keller
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
