i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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