Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
