I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
