i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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