My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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