Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize