If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
