I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
