I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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