I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
