Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
