im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
