I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
