So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Let's get the cat blown out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
