its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
