it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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