i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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