I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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