I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
