That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
