Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
