so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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