he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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