I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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