This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
