I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
