I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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