I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
