1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
