she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
