wakey wakey hands off snakey
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
