You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's like heaven, but drunker
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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