id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
