I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
