if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
