Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
