Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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