I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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