Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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