wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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