phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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