I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
