You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
