There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
