I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
