just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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