So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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