I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
