i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
